Next on NickJr, Spongebob Squarepants will show you how to drown yourself in the closest available water source:

Girl, 4, hangs herself with hairband 'as she copies TV cartoon'

A couple who found their daughter hanging by her hairband in a freak accident believe she was trying to copy a stunt from her favourite cartoon series.

Phil Brown and Lorraine Ford, 26, tried desperately to save four-year-old Paige when they discovered her in her bedroom but were unable to revive her. Paige had recently watched a scene in which a character was swinging around with what looked like a rope attached to his neck.

She was with her grandmother who said the programme was either Dora The Explorer or Go Diego Go. Mr Brown, 33, said yesterday: "She can't be certain which one because she watched both with Paige. She even said to Paige at the time, 'You must never do that'. But no one could have foreseen what has happened. We are all absolutely heartbroken."

Paige was playing alone in her room at the family home in Hawkinge, near Folkestone, Kent, when the hairband became caught on a hammock where she kept her cuddly toys. Her parents became worried when she did not reply after they called her for lunch on New Year's Day. They went upstairs to check and found her hanging with the hairband round her neck...

A post-mortem examination was held yesterday. The date for her funeral has not been set but Paige's family want mourners to wear pink, her favourite colour... (source)

Two lessons to be gleaned from this misadventure: (1) Never point something out to a four year-old and say "You must never do that"; and (2) Giving long, loose hair ties and low-slung hammocks to self-same 4 yos is just askin' for trouble.

On another note, for every person of color who randomly commits a crime--as posted by Fnord--I think I shall drum up the unseemly death of one precious little blonde girl, just to even things out. If mainstream media coverage proceeds as it has been, then we should be able to keep this up indefinitely.