Its like listening to Tom Lykis all over again.

I have mixed feelings about marriage. It obviously has lost its meaning due to people getting married for all the wrong reasons, as well as reality TV getting involved (who wants to marry a little person?), and of course teen pregnancy.

What a world. Though at least it isn't only in America.

As a divorced person, I definitely have mixed feelings about marriage.  If they could take the financial bindings out of it, I'd be willing to reconsider the possibility of me ever marrying again.  I think marriage puts a bit more of a kick into people's butts towards working on a situation instead of just a cut and run.  Sure, there are things that you should never have to "work" on (ie: cheating, abuse).  But other issues can often be resolved if people work together.  That is, after all, what any relationship is about.  Being there for each other in good and bad.  People cut and run too easy these days. 

And hanging out until you don't want to anymore, then moving on, doesn't limit the possible financial stress and heartache all that much.  If you live together, that is.  You still have to divide stuff that you have purchased it together.  If you have children, it is even more complicated.  I would have to say I"m behind marriage at least 80-90% if you plan to have kids.  But I am not for staying in a marriage if you are miserable, just because of them.

If I were to do it again, I would keep my banking separate and credit cards separate.  I would also open an offshore bank account and secretly funnel money into it for possible future needs.  This will end up as a nice surprise upon our retirement as a married couple, or immediate funding for my escape to a foreign country pending the dissolution of our marriage.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

My friends have been getting engaged at an appalling rate lately (except the ones getting divorced), and I am beginning to enjoy the filthy looks I get when I tell them to get a pre-nup.

Never get married without a pre-nup.  To anyone.  No matter how perfect the relationship is.

I got news for ya... even pre-nup's ain't iron-clad.  I'm executor for an estate presently and the widow has managed to wheedle more than he wanted to give.  In the end, it's all down to lawyers, judges and luck.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

whosasailorthen wrote:

I got news for ya... even pre-nup's ain't iron-clad.  I'm executor for an estate presently and the widow has managed to wheedle more than he wanted to give.  In the end, it's all down to lawyers, judges and luck.

That's not news, but the pre-nup does have two advantages:

(1) Probable improved chance of getting a fair deal if/when it goes to court
and this one, which is the biggie:
(2) Makes you think about the horrors of divorce proceedings long before you need them.

There's no such thing as a fair deal when it comes to marriage.

Keep in mind that Mr. Sofie stands to inherit a metric fuckload of money/property when his father passes. People have insinuated that I'm insane, but we have a business together, and I find arguing over money distasteful. If we were to split up ever, I would get what I have earned. Period.

It works. We have been together our entire lives. If we had married, I would be single by now.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

sofaking wrote:

jesusluvspegging wrote:

(1) Probable improved chance of getting a fair deal if/when it goes to court

There's no such thing as a fair deal when it comes to marriage.

Hey, I'm with you on this, hence that string of qualifiers I tacked on there.

How are y'all handling things like insurance benefits, powers of attorney, and all the other legal rigmarole that the gay marriage/civil union lobbyists like to bring up in their arguments?

We have a group policy that covers us, our kids, and our employees. When I was in corporate America, insurance companies were okay with putting Mr. Sofie on it. Social Security also counts long-term partnership as valid for its coverage.

We have wills, and powers of attorney drafted, and we also have an agreement between ourselves what would happen if I ran away with the pool guy, or he decided to kick me to the curb.

He would kill me and make it look like an accident, and/or I would kill myself and make it look like he did it. Or Krazy Gluing naughty parts.

We got it covered, and no one's going anywhere. We're fucking crazy about each other, and no piece of paper can even do it justice. We let each other do our own thing, and cooperate succesfully. It's fucking perfect.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

sofaking wrote:

It's fucking perfect.

And I hate you both for it.

Awww, I don't mean to make you feel bad.

Just know that any woman who loves you (and herself) won't pressure you into signing away your ass. Forever is a long fucking time, my friend.

If marriage (as we know it now) were an actual business transaction, it would be a poorly advised, crappy, and unfair one. I think most people realize that on a fundamental level, and that's why divorce rates are as they are.

Like parties (like a wedding)? Throw a party. Throw a huge one every fucking year. Like money? Earn it yourself, and/or be very, very thankful if your lovey spends any of theirs on you. People are forced to be better people if they have to take responsibility for their own goddamned self, and whatever crotchfruit they decide to bring into the world.

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."

Mark Twain



I will avoid commentary for fear of jinxing a good thing.  But this is all way to sincere and smarmy.  Better to return to discussions of Kalil Gibran playing catch with a poodle.

I just don't get how you can have a couple who have been together for years and years and things are so great and then RIGHT when they get married it goes to shit?

whosasailorthen wrote:

I got news for ya... even pre-nup's ain't iron-clad.  I'm executor for an estate presently and the widow has managed to wheedle more than he wanted to give.  In the end, it's all down to lawyers, judges and luck.

Unless, of course, it is the Massey Pre-nup.

pALEPHx wrote:

Nothing's impossible, dear.

I've always regarded that as the ultimate freedom.

Dusty - Same good fortune for me.  Wouldn't have it any other way, not even sex with robots.  The exercise of freedom can go in many different directions.